"You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember So, I'm on the first tee with him. The battle that raged inside each players head. Ana Claudia Antunes, If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. PG Wodehouse. I love you and I want you to stay with me., Woman: You dont understandIm a hooker., Man: That is no problem, darlin, you probably just have too strong a grip.. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? See more ideas about golf quotes, golf, golf humor. Golf?! Required fields are marked *. What do you call a blonde at the driving range? The other 20. 2. Your second mental problem is concentration. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. Why didnt the golfer get his homework done? Although the same can be said of the rest of the items on this list, just reading the quote doesn't really do justice to its comedic value. Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a468f26f096b5aaed8fdef8efc580f6f" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. It's included here because of the hilarious mental image it evokes. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." What's the difference between a golf ball and a car? Concentrate on the one fault you want to overcome. Sam Snead, 55. Like a PGA Tour pro once said to his pro-am partners, youre not good enough to get angry. So dont even try it. Sam Snead, Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing. Payne Stewart, 48. The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes. Why didnt the golfer finish his homework? Golf is more complicated than that. A young golfer was playing in his first PGA Tour event. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The true funniest golf quotes of all time are likely never put to paper and aren't spoken by golfers or celebrities. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. Gerald Ford, If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! 67 GOLF INSTAGRAM CAPTIONS Funny 2021 List for Golf Lover! We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. nay I my child, and eke, oh! Find the ball. 21. Golf is like doing your taxes. Where is the best place to go on vacation? What do you call Jessica Alba joining you and your buddies for a round of golf? Just 130+ Golf Jokes So Funny They're A Hole In One - Scary Mommy Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. For more great quotes on life, golf and from books and authors, check out this site and this site. Everyday I'm Schauffele. 2. Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course? Their fore-fathers! William Topaz McGonagall, Golf epitomizes the tame world. What Is The Difference Between a Golf Skirt and a Tennis Skirt? Where do ghosts play golf in the afterlife? All he knows how to play with is Clubs! Again the announcement: Would the man on the womens tee kindly back up the mens tee!, Mike had had enough and shouted: Would the horses ass in the clubhouse with the loud speaker kindly shut up and let me play my damn second shot!. No matter how badly you play, always remember its possible to play even worse. 75 Hilarious Golf Puns and One-Liners That Don't Suck A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. That I am sure of will make your day full of joy! Americans infatuated with golf established country and golf clubs, built ornate clubhouses, laid out inland park courses, experimented with new types of equipment, and even modified time-honored rules. Nothing it should have ducked. I play Bass. My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. Who do golfers pay tribute to on the 4th of July? Robert Fuller Murray, Be a mind beater-not a ball beater. 5. Regardless of time, place, situation, event, or occasion, it is in our human nature, to learn and express. "Hockey is a sport for white men. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Raymond Floyd. Because he thought every day he needed to play around. Golf is the easiest game in the world. 157 Good Golf Quotes For You To Tee Up and Swing Away In the morning, the woman woke up and arose from bed. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? Who taught Elin Nordegren to swing a golf club? You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. I just got a call my wife has had a life threatening car accident and Im worried I might not make it.. When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. In case they get a hole-in-one! Does a bear crap in the woods? USE OF AND/OR REGISTRATION ON ANY PORTION OF THIS SITE CONSTITUTES ACCEPTANCE OF OURVISITOR AGREEMENT(UPDATED 1/6/23),PRIVACY AND COOKIES NOTICE(UPDATED 1/4/23) ANDCALIFORNIA PRIVACY NOTICE. 23+ Revolutionary Sayings From Corrie Ten Boom | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 52+ Knowledgeable Sayings On Cosmetologist | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 43+ Motivating Sayings On Hungry | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, TOP 50 Inspirational Golf Quotes & Sayings | Download Images, 58+ Funny Tennis Quotes | Free Images & Pictures Download, TOP 50 Funny Sports Quotes | HD Images & Pictures Download. Sometimes a good joke can lighten up the mood. Fantastic 4-some. He said. No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. Knock, knock You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. It will dazzle and baffle you with highs and lows, successes and frustrations. Amy Alcott, 18. Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. Check it out now! No matter the distance, its through that tall tree over there. Bobby Jones, Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. "If you break 100, watch your golf. The Dalai Lama himself. happen again! You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. Golf Quotes (131 quotes) - Goodreads Please sign up with your best email address. Instead of worrying about making a fool of yourself in front of a crowd of 4 or 40,000, forget about how your swing may look and concentrate instead on where you want the ball to go. Jack Lemmon, There are many things you can successfully fake in businessbut a good golf swing isnt one of them. Moe Norman, ALL of us play our very best game / Any other time / Golf or billiards, its all the same / Any other time / Lose a match and you always say, Just my luck! The friend is quite amazed: That dog is really talented! 50 Greatest Golf Quotes of All Time - Bleacher Report So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. Look at the size of his putter. 10 Funniest Golf Quotes of All Time - Bleacher Report The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. Dave Hill, My swing is then adjusted / as words take off and fly / And landing safe beyond the trap / to make the devil cry. They dont have the heart for it. You grind it out. Tiger Woods, 54. Ewan McGregor, It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. How would you like to do something I won't do for anyone on the PGA tour? the flag cant jump. From the best players to ever pick up a club to past presidents of the United States, the game of golf is the great equalizer. A man without a woman is like a pistol without a trigger; it is the woman who makes the man go off. How does a brunette keep her husband from a blond working at a golf course? fodrizzle. Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go. Why is Hearts a golfers worst card game? If the point of golf is to hit the ball less, then do I win if I don't play at all? Relate what your buddy said after a five-putt, the joke your grandfather made about the ballwasher or your golf junkie pal's philosophy about the parallel between golf and life. I always said you have to be really smart or really dumb to play this game well. 56 Golf Pick Up Lines [Funny, Dirty, Cheesy] ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! I hope you can use them for your game and as inspiration. I had a terrible round today, I only hit two good balls, and that was when I stepped on a rake. Clubbing. I prayed that I would react well if I missed. Chi Chi Rodriguez, 44. -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. There is no such thing as a natural touch. Missed the ball and sank the divot. A great golf course both frees and challenges a golfers mind. Tom Watson, 7. Golfing is a lot like masturbation. O'Grady's comment relates the essence of the experience of a lot of rounds of golf for a lot of golfers. Could you in the moment quiet your thoughts and execute? 69 Best Dirty Quotes For Him | Her | Kinky | Funny | Sayings - TryTutorial Whats the easiest shot to make in golf? Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? Basketball is a sport for black men. Gone golfin' be back dark thirty. "I'll kiss you on the rain so you get twice as wet". Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. Just in case they get a slice! Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good at them. Roy Tin Cup McAvoy, the greatest that never was. Thats incredible. Jay Griffiths, Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. Keep your sense of humor. So what's it gonna be today, Stroke Play or Skins? Funny Family Poems. Oh my God, what have I just said?". By stragetically placing fire hydrants. document.getElementById("copyright_year").innerHTML = new Date().getFullYear(); We do our best to represent colors accurately, but viewing screens vary from one to another, and from real life. You swing left and the ball goes right. Golf turns outdoors into indoors, a prefab mat of stultified grass, processed, pesticided, herbicided, the pseudo-green of formica sterilityThe enemy of wildness, it is a demonstration of the absolute dominion of man over wild nature. Your email address will not be published. Boo who? It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing you're a bad golfer. You made an 11 on a Par 3 hole? Why did Arnold Palmer get beat up? Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Ray Floyd, 41. Learn More. 4. You may share any of these heartfelt photos with funny golf quotes without hesitation. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." -Lee Trevino "Golf is my profession. I never prayed that I would make a putt. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." -Bob Hope "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married," said the pouting wife. In the Golf of Mexico! He doesnt hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty Full Text: Keep Calm and Go For A Run Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Beware Of Owner ~ The Dog Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th. These words carry the feeling for those you care about and those who care about you. Any birdie will do. I give the ball some sweet talk. Diller's comment is a great take on a bit of traditional golf advice. Joey Adams, It takes exactly eighteen shots tae polish off a fifth o a bottle o Scotch, thus, a game o golf equates tae eighteen holes. Don Carter Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. I'm a bit tired so how about we just play your backside tonight? That means if you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission. Lorii Myers, Perhaps more than any other sport, golf focuses pressure on the player. Lorii Myers, Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. What's the difference between a golfball and a Nissan? Whats a golfers favorite nightlife activity? I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1. Two rounds a day are plenty. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". I Am Shuvo Saha. I like big putts and I cannot lie. John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: Hey Don, come here. Two, be your own person. 4. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. What did Sir Mixalot say after sinking a 14-footer on the green, saving a terrible 3rd stroke into the rough? Dont even putt. Dean Martin, need we say more? As in, surf the web, gather knowledge, and share them. Your butt reminds me of St Andrews.. Hard and Firm. Because he walked into the wrong club! She lined the ball up carefully and confidently stroked the winning putt. I just finished a round of golf, wanna be my 19th hole today? 7. 13 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes Grip the club as if you were holding a baby bird. Sam Snead, 58. A bad hole wont get you a slap across the face when you play golf. How Long Does It Take to Play 18 Holes of Golf? Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls. ~ George Bernard Shaw. Jack Benny, The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight. Man: Please dont go. -Lee Trevino Your source for the latest and greatest golf news, tips, gear reviews, and giveaways. Bye Bye Birdie. 1. Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. Nay! I have 17 wives, one more and I will have a golf course!. ~ Sijin Bt. A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse to play a round of golf together. The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. Wodehouse, 31. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. Whats the best quality in a golf partner? Features: Size: 7x18 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Some of the best cowboys aren't boys Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. Get in the hole! Its not just enough to swing at the ball. I have 10 sons, one more and I will have my own football team., To which the Mormon replies, You fellas aint got a clue. 20 Funny Golf Sayings and Inspirational Golf Quotes With trust, it feels like you and your golf club are partners dancing as one. 1. Weve put together a list of our favorite jokes, golf puns, and one-liners you can bust out on the course, the range, or the pub to try and laugh off that 102 you just shot. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." "Damn, my shaft is all bent." It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the mens tee, please!. The right place is right here with me, in my bed. Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks.
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